Will you be able to face your 5 year old self?

Playing with my 5 year old nephew and admiring his innocence and zeal, a thought struck me hard.
I was once this silly kid too. We all were. Naive. Away from the world. Not too smart and mature. No big dreams and aspirations in life. Eating, playing and sleeping away the whole day.

Growing up is inevitable. Not too bad, I guess. But growing up like this, surely arouses my anguish.

Enough has been said and written about the way to live your life. Life scholars tell you ‘life hacks‘. But how do you know if you are doing it right ?
How would you know if you are on the right track?

Believe me, nobody can give the answer but YOU. Life throws different opportunities and roadblocks in each one of ours life. How you deal with it ultimately makes you.

Coming again to those questions, I tried to understand and introspect my way of living by asking myself one simple yet very complex question –

“Will I able to face my five year old self right now? Will that child admire me? or that innocent being will be disappointed?”

Believe me, this one question opened several dimensions to my life. It made me numb. I couldn’t face my five year old self when this thought first came.

That little self of us never imagined us to be so weak. It didn’t expect us to break apart because of a heartbreak. It didn’t want us to doubt ourselves because of a failure. That child wanted to grow as a strong person with an astounding attitude towards life. He/she wanted us to stand against wrong. And here we are still touching those old wounds and looking towards our future with helplessness. Don’t you feel that we killed that innocent dream?

Most of us may go through similar experiences. The number of times I see myself and people around me breaking down, harming themselves and others, disappointed with themselves, falling apart because of tough situations, that innocent child in me grieves. That child didn’t want to become what we are today. We aren’t the ‘ideal‘ for our own self. Can anything be more disappointing?

You know why that child survived in a better way despite being in this atrocious world? Albeit, we are now ‘grown’ up both physically and mentally, mature and more intelligent but why are we more helpless and vulnerable? Why is it more difficult to live now? Ever thought that?

Maybe because sometimes we forget that not every tough circumstance has to be fought and wicked situation or person has be faced with our emotional and mental strength or equally iniquitous manner. Sometimes, we need to go back and bring back that innocence lost in the dustiest cabinet of our hearts and live life like a ‘human‘

There are always people telling you that to survive in a world as evil as this, you need to be equally evil. Some go ahead to say that this evilness should be well sugar-coated with sheen. But believe me, this way probably you’ll be able to stand up firm in the world but your soul will crumble hard.

I know, situations are difficult. Very difficult. There seems to be no way out and blending into the way of working of people seems to be the only way out. But you know, this way you lose your biggest asset. Yourself.

We often tend to give up on ourselves. We loathe ourselves to an extent that the reflection seen from the mirror looks like a stranger. But..

If you see a person at his/her worst. What will you do? Hug her, care for her, help improve her.
Right? For once, try doing that for your own self.

Work so hard on yourself that you can not only face your 5 year old self but also see that gleaming proud in his/her eyes.

– Shreya Agrawal