Life is an amalgamation of experiences, they say. Good or bad, bright or dark are the various shades of this rollercoaster journey. These are those unavoidable speed breakers per se which reminds us time and again that too much speed kills.
We, as humans find it pretty easy to share our happy moments with people. The excitement, the joys. But it’s those dark and hidden sides which haunts us the most.
We all, no matter how much we hide from everyone around us, have gone through something or the other that has changed us a person. We all have a past. Not too beautiful always.
We go through something. Fight it with all our will power. Nurse our wounds and come out as a stronger person. Sometimes, without any support.
Those days were a nightmare, weren’t they? That first breach of trust we experienced, the first unrequited love, the heartbreak, the first failure in something we wanted so badly. Basically, the first experience at realizing that life isn’t the fairy tale we grew up watching.
Hugging ourselves, calming ourselves, fueling our own strength isn’t easy but you did that for you always believed that you are a warrior. And we come out of the chaos thinking we’ve won it. We thought that the world is the same place again for we’ve crossed the hurdle long back and it will be a smooth ride now. We believe that the past has gone past our lives and it will never come back.
But does that happen? How I wish that was the case!
As we again resume the ride of life with fanatical enthusiasm, something disrupts this journey. I was confused for I failed to realise the reason behind these constant hiccups I was facing which was making it difficult for me to go forward and embrace what’s coming with open arms. Somehow, my hands were shivering. No, I couldn’t let it open. I couldn’t smile with the same enthusiasm and excitement I had before whenever something new happened. Does that happen with you too?
It led me to contemplate myself. I wanted an answer for some unknown questions and riddles puzzling me. All this made me realize something. You Know what it was?
I discerned that it was the cuts of those past happenings, those exact hurdles I thought I’ve crossed successfully. At that time, I failed to notice that while crossing them, I’ve inflicted upon myself several cuts and bruises which when touched, spring open.
Those experiences, those unpleasant memories, those moments of self doubts, everything comes back and begin to prey on our minds and thoughts.
We had fought those things already, right?
The reality is – we never fought. We just tried to forget. And I believe that’s the worst we could do with ourselves.
let’s try to be a bit logical here, Do we really forget things? No. Some things are too big to be forgotten and thrown out of our minds that easily. I see absolutely no reason of trying to do that. Forgetting something totally is like trying to begin our lives once again with a blank slate. But this isn’t how it should function, right? Those previous marks, scratches and roughness are necessary. They serve as a constant reminder that you are a human. You’ve made mistakes, you’ve suffered, you’ve experienced. Basically, you’ve lived.
But then again, this leads us to another crucial point, should we keep revisiting the past to live our future “carefully”? This will lead us to become nothing but slaves, of our own past self.
In words of Roy T. Bennett,
“The past is a place of reference, not a place of residence; the past is a place of learning, not a place of living.“
The real fight and victory over past is to face it until the creases on your forehead and the teardrops disappear.
The point is to be okay and completely fine with the remembrance of the past.
It is to realise that despite the fact that everything is a lesson, applying those learnings at wrong places could have disastrous impact.
It’s then that you’ll realize that your past isn’t interfering with your present and future.
It’s then you’ll realize that though there are bruises but they will heal soon. And it doesn’t matter if the scar never goes away.
It’s then that you can show a thumbs down to the past weak self of yours and run towards the future with the same child-like excitement and zeal.
We constantly look for those shackles bounding us outside, failing to realise that they are within us.